Dear Self

Dear Self let me just talk to you.

I been trying to have this conversation for the past year but you won't listen.

That's cause my mind is in a state of depression.

I'm just trying to kick some life lessons, took center stage at the Appolo

Instead they throw stones at me like they got a bone to pick with me.

Institutionalize mind frame cause I was taken out of the game.

Paranoid so I changed my name man.

Intuition set in like Ray vision, so I close my eyes cause I fear vision.

So I walk around cause I feel like my nerves bad.

So I shake like I got Parkinson.

I search for love in my Heart, but its empty like abandon parking lots.

Self I brought everything to the table but income.

So your mentality was Predator find,seek and destroy me.

Self how could you deceive me.

I have been everything you have.

We went from rags to riches to rags again.

From bums to homeless with no roof tops.

Been down with you since I found you in my high chair, so self why we having issues now.

I guess cause I changed on em, naw I ain't change on em I just grew some and self can't adapt to change.

I came from nothing, I'm just trying to make it, I'm  just trying to be better than good enough.

Self You want me on the strip just pitching just to stay alive, but at that route I won't survive.

Day after day self you push me to self destruct, but I won't walk away cause you won't be satisfied until I'm in that cage surviving off mail.

But I don't mean to walk away its just time to part ways cause I refuse to have your blood on my slate.

Self I hear you talking and I know you my conscious but I must redefine myself.

Goodbye self.

Hey momma

Hey momma where have you been Iono was left to fight our own battles at toddlers.

We ran wild like 6 hoodlums, some was loved and some was lusted but never felt that from you.

Sister fix oatmeal from the counter tops.

Our Atlantis Apartment was used as a traveling pit stop.

Dope dealers to Hair doers we seen em all.

But that's what we was expose to as toddlers by our momma.

See she was Sentence to do 10 not to the streets but in the pen.

While some of your children couldn't do nothing but play in that pen.

And that was when I was 2, so how was my other siblings birth.

You must had that Ace of spade up your skirt.

15 min phone calls shared amongst us then cut short by the operator.

Grandma bitch about the phone bill, but you was our momma so she couldn't reject.

But as I got older I felt like a child that was neglected.

So momma were have you been, in and out that pen since I was the age of 10 plus 3.

But on her release date didn't come to see me.

Stood for you when you wasn't there for me, but you return and say you owe me nothing.

Its easy to be a mom but its hard been a mother.

Hey momma where have you been?

We was the Jay-z gift and the curse. We was birthed in the world as a gift, but our whole world has been cursed.

The girl that fix oatmeal at 3 now has birth three of her own.

Give you grand kids and we still don't hear from you.

I blame you for foster homes, but I'm going to be the first to see that college dorm and they wonder why I'm so abnormal.

Cause I got a fascination with aggravation because I'm in search of a mothers vaccination.

So maybe its just another derailed mission for a proud family, but if I get that vaccination I just want to say......

Hey momma were have you been?

Single

I'm single, well not really its just complicated.

Maybe cause I'm feeling myself its my infatuation.

So if a girl ain't on my side it wont be a confrontation.

But I can use you for a good conversation.

So if you in my company, you still not my company.

That's what makes me single, so I just walk around for the moment.

Naw but the world call it mingling moments.

Naw I'm just asking for a single moment.

I don't even smoke but in these moments I need to smoke this cigarette in peace.

Because I seem so depressed lately, but I won't let the belly of the stress defeat me.

So Relationships should just crucify me.

Cause Relationships is throwing stones at me like it got a bone to pick with me.

So I pray that the sky fall so I can be close to the Heaven.

I pray that you not taken any time soon cause shit hit the fan at high speed mid June.

So my heart crashed head first in to glass just like a June bug.

You was on your trip so you twitted bout it.

I Facebook myspace about my bullshit.

I'm no JT but cry me a river, long then the Mississippi.

You a bad bitch so maybe I'm insane for the bullshit, but my mind is Nsync and its far from poping.

You held the trigger to the gun, and the key to the door.

Iono if I can do this anymore, so for now I'm SINGLE.